Small Steps that Heal Facial Relation

Thank you for coming back!  I know that last week’s message was on the heavy hitting side, and I am proud of you for starting the journey to healing. I know that many of you saw yourself inside the identifier questions.  Now that you have had a week to think about your initial responses, how do you feel? Do you think that you may have been a little too hard on yourself?  Do you still find that you are too imperfect? That you are too uneven? That you are too *Fill In The Blank*?

I can imagine that you want a solution that will heal you overnight. I know that I did, and I wish I had that to offer you. I can tell you that there is no overnight, painless solution. What I can say is that this is a process, and that the pain you initially feel will go away. Healing poor facial relation will never be as painful as the disconnect that caused your poor facial relation. Learning how to see our own worth while being bombarded by perceived perfection is an uphill battle. Over the years I have used several different tools myself, and with clients. The first set of tools are found below. Are you ready to start the healing journey?

I have found that, for most, the root cause of poor facial relation is comparison. We have access to a variety of social media platforms, television, movies, magazines and the like. All with beautiful imagery, carefully planned and edited messages, perfectly placed and edited people. Let’s be real and add specialized lighting, airbrushing, filtering, blending, and a myriad of other techniques used in production to that list. I know, because I have helped organize those images for years. It is incredibly easy to get into the habit of comparing, especially when a good portion of marketing is driven to do precisely that. Open the door of comparison. Once you open that door you are more likely to make a decision to purchase a movie ticket, watch a television show, or purchase a product because, “I need that, it will help me with xyz”. In order to start the journey to healthier facial relation, you will need to find a way to shut down all roads that typically take you on the comparison journey. Here are the first two concepts that need to be mastered.

Allow Yourself To Become Uncomparable

This may sound tricky. Hey, you may have even felt the need to google if this was a real word or not.  I am okay with that!  So, what does is mean to become uncomparable?  Uncomparable means that two things can not be deductively compared.  Can you really compare an apple to an orange?  While you can compare basic nutritional values in black and white, outside of that should they really even be compared? When you compare them are you upset that the apple looks, feels, smells, and tastes different than the orange?  For this reason the 2 are uncomparable. One is not better, one is not worse.  

There are two thoughts that I want you to take away from our friends the apple and the orange.

Number one- You are different from the people that you compare yourself to on the outside.  Vastly different, and that is okay!  This is truly what makes us individually recognizable. Becoming uncomparable is a process, and it will take a great deal of honesty on your part.  Right now would be a great time to take out a sheet of paper and make a list.  Can you tell that I like putting pen to paper?  There is something magical about the impact that writing words down on paper has on the brain.  Let’s make a list, shall we?  Who do you compare yourself to? How often do you compare yourself to them? What exactly do you compare? This is a wonderful exercise for all types of comparison, but we are really only focusing on the relationship that you have with your face today. Do you compare your nose, the shape of your eyes, the fullness of your lips, the size of your forehead? Be specific.  Why do you think you are not as good as that person?  Also, and in contrast….Why do you think you are better? Comparison is a two sided trap.  I often hear ladies say, “If I were as pretty as her,” or “If I had cheekbones like her”. What if you had the ability to not think like that? How much of your life would be different?

If you find that you are comparing yourself to others in social media, quit following them.  Even if that person is me.  For a period of time, while you are healing, remove them from your feed.  If you are friends on FaceBook, unfollow them for 30 days.  It’s actually an option that FaceBook provides you with.  If they are on Instagram, just click unfollow.  I know this sounds simple, but how often will you find yourself justifying that the content that they provide is helping you in some way?  You can always go back to get the content at a later date.  Do you really want to heal?  This same process goes for television shows.  Maybe you compare yourself to a journalist that is on the news, or an actress in your favorite sitcom.  Can I get a little strong for a moment?  If you have a favorite sitcom, but find yourself comparing your worth to one of the characters in that sitcom….It is not, nor should it be your favorite sitcom.  Stop putting yourself in a position to feel ugly.  You are not ugly, so quit treating yourself in an ugly manner!

Number two-  You are different from the people that you compare yourself to on the inside. Vastly different, and that is okay! Just like the apple and the orange.  Though our underlying anatomy hold basic similarities, each of us hold an individual pattern within that anatomy. This results in an individual topography of our facial features. Would you describe the flesh of the orange to be as firm as the apple?  Or is the orange a little bit squishy by comparison? Now here is a funny question: Does the squishy orange know that the apple is firm?  It is the same with us. In almost every case that you compare yourself, it is to someone you don’t even know!  You don’t know them. Who are they on the inside?  Are they squishy or are they firm?  You don’t know the walls that they have built up around their hearts over the past few years of life.  You don’t know that they have been fighting the same battle of unworthiness as you.   More often than not, when I have conversations with people, I find that we are all truly more alike than we are different.  I wouldn’t want to trade the battles that I’ve been through with anyone else, and I am sure that you feel the same.  What does this have to do with comparison?  What does this have to do with your relationship with your face?  Consider for a moment, that the person that you are comparing yourself to on the big screen has poor facial relation themselves.  Maybe they have battled the exact thing as you, and maybe they are still struggling. Maybe they have a makeup artist that has helped them to conceal, correct, contour or otherwise cover up the same thing that you are fixated on? They may be thinking, “Do I get the surgery? What if something goes wrong and I can no longer connect with my fans? What can I do to contour and cover up?  What if I can’t cover it up?  What if I can’t keep it up long term?”.  Is this not the same battle?  You don’t know what they are dealing with on the inside, so how can you compare? I need you to get incredibly honest with yourself…….Could it be, that you are using comparison as a crutch? Are you allowing it to hold you back, out of punishment or as an excuse to not move in a more positive direction? Just like the apple and the orange the nutritional information may be the same, but the apple and the orange are still very different fruits on the inside.

To Become Uncomparable, you first have to stop comparing yourself to others.  This is not something that you should ween yourself off of over time.  STOP. Right now.  By removing the ability to see those that you compare yourself to, you will have time to retrain yourself to see your own beauty. Don’t worry, you will see them again, but you will feel differently about yourself next time.

Allow Yourself To Become Incomparable

Ah, see now that’s the word you thought I was going for!  But the two are different.  Kind of funny right, that the words themselves can not be compared?  

Once we have removed from our sight those we have been comparing ourselves too, we can focus on healing our poor facial relation.  We do this by allowing ourselves to become incomparable.  

Number one- Allow yourself to study your face in the mirror.  At first, this may be a little painful but it will get easier over time. Before you cover yourself up with makeup, take time to really look in the mirror.  Not just a passing glance, allow yourself the time to study each of your facial features without makeup.  If you start to think of a negative word or start to feel like you are wasting your time say, “I am worthy,” as you are looking at yourself.  “I am worthy with or without makeup, and I am becoming incomparable.”  This may sound silly, but sometimes the silliest most simple things are what make the biggest breakthroughs, and impacts on our hearts.  This will get easier.  Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next week, but it will get easier. You will begin to see the worth and value of the beauty you behold. 

Worth is not found in the perfection of facial features, it is found in the depths of gratitude that you develop for the variations you uncover.  You are worthy and your beauty needs to be uncovered and restored.  You can do this!

Number two-  For the next six weeks I recommend you using the same products and the same application technique with your makeup each day.  Allow yourself to establish a look.  An expected look.  A look that you can recognize every single time that you catch yourself in the mirror.  This is not the time to play with makeup and try to cover everything up!  This is not the time to sweat over having everything perfect before you begin. This is the time to develop the simple tool of a makeup routine that you can rely on. 6 weeks may seem like a long time, but it will go by quickly. I want you to get used to seeing yourself with the same makeup each day.  This will do wonders in your healing process. In television, we use this same routine when establishing a talent member in a new market or genre.  It is literally called an establishment period and it gives that person the best chance at building an audience base. It is expected, so they can be trusted.  Allow yourself to build that level of self trust.  As a side note, if you don’t normally wear makeup, you don’t have to start wearing it during this time.  

You have no idea how excited I am that you are beginning your healing journey. I remember realizing that these were the 2 most helpful tools that I was sharing with clients. This is why we are starting here. Like I said, it may seem a little silly or awkward, but I have so much confidence that you will breakthrough the walls that comparison builds up! I will meet you next Thursday morning for some fun tools that will help compound your efforts!